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Topic: Dad jokes.

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Jedi Master
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Dad jokes.
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What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear?

Anything you want, he can't hear you

Zinfandel Expert
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when does a joke become a dad joke....
trust me, it's apparent.

Jedi Master
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Did you know that in Oslo, they put barcodes on the aircraft carriers?

It's so that when they dock, they can Scandinavian.

Jedi Master
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Why did the fisherman put peanut butter on his hook?

He was trying to catch a jellyfish!

Alumni
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At the zoo I saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign on the cage said: BREAD IN CAPTIVITY.



Alumni
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What do weightlifters in the arctic and Antarctica take?

 

polar roids. 



Alumni
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what disease do tics in Florida give you?

key lime disease. 



Zinfandel Expert
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A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

Alumni
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How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.



Zinfandel Expert
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how do fish get high?

seaweed.

Alumni
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Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.



Jedi Master
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May be an image of text that says 'Just found'out the company that produces yardsticks won't be making them any longer.'



Jedi Master
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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

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If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?



Jedi Master
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Do you know why seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

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One for Pan since he loves these... lol

I got fired from the bank today.

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.



Jedi Master
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I've been diagnosed with a rare type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80's bands.

There is no cure.

Alumni
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Homer wrote:

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 98 year old grandmother and comfort her.  When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.  

"Oh no, my dear,"replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm.  Nice and slow and even.  Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if that ice cream truck hadn't come along."


baaaaaahahahahaha! 



Alumni
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Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 98 year old grandmother and comfort her.  When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.  

"Oh no, my dear,"replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm.  Nice and slow and even.  Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if that ice cream truck hadn't come along."



Jedi Master
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What kind of zoo only has one dog?

A ****zu!

 
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